Are You Struggling With Infidelity?
After finding out about a cheating spouse or boyfriend, you may experience intense emotions and recurrent crises.
The good news, however, is that most marriages not only survive infidelity but become stronger and happier. As a marriage and family therapist, I have observed that many marriages become stronger and more intimate after couples therapy. An extramarital affair is the catalyst for approximately 50 percent of the couples who initiate treatment.
Causes and Types of Extramarital Relationships
The causes of infidelity are complex and varied. Affairs can occur in happy marriages as well as in troubled ones. Although the involved spouse may not be getting enough from the marriage, sometimes the involved spouse is not giving enough. Reasons for cheating in relationships include low self-esteem, relationship deficits (e.g., lack of affection), or a social context in which infidelity is condoned.
The Impact of Discovery
It is common for both spouses to experience depression (including suicidal thoughts), anxiety, and/or a profound sense of loss following the initial disclosure (depression). The reactions of the betrayed spouse resemble the post-traumatic stress symptoms of the victims of catastrophic events. Common reactions to the loss of innocence and shattered assumptions include ruminating thoughts of the affair; continuously watching for further signs of betrayal; and physiological hyperarousal, flashbacks and intrusive images. The most severely traumatized are those who had the greatest trust and were the most unsuspecting. The involved spouse may fear that they will be punished forever for the betrayal while they grieve for the lost dreams associated with the affair (AAMFT).
Sex Therapy Center of Orange County
1913 E 17th Street #107
Santa Ana, Ca 92705
714.616.0618
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